The Wonderful Wrath of Disney
by John O'Hara

Artist's impression of what John would look like if he had a hat.

       Disney employees don't get mad. They can't. It must be encoded in their genes or something. Either that or some freakish Disney training program plasters smiles to their faces that can only be removed with non-abrasive cleaners. Now, I am not an expert, but I do have ability to pester, harangue, and otherwise annoy many quality people (right Mrs. McLaughlin?)

       So, I decided to take my haranguing abilities to the Wonderful World of Disney. Simply put, I failed miserably. No matter how rude, inconsiderate, annoying, pointless or trivial I tried to be, I just couldn't invoke the wrath of one single employee, no matter how insignificant the employee. Even the burger stand employees were effervescent. And the higher upon the Disney echelon the employee, the bubblier. Why it was enough to make me eat my hat. (If I had one, which I didn't) Let's look at some cases

Artist's impression of what John would look like eating his hat had he had a hat.

Case 1: Upon entering one of the spotlessly clean parks, an important looking employee who was passing by ordered me to, "Have a nice day!" in her bubbling voice. I quickly retorted in my usual tone if I must. To which not less than three employees cheerfully smiled in return and waved and assured me that, "Yes, I had to have a good time." What is a pessimist to do in the Happiest Place on Earth?

Case 2: From my travels, I have learned that the surest way to invoke the scorn of hotel employees is an adamant refusal to tip, and when doing so, to do so lightly. Not the hotel at which I resided. Not only were they as bubbly as ever after carrying my bags without compensation, they continued to help in a friendly manner. There was even one employee, Art was his name, who didn't want a tip, saying that what he was doing was his pleasure. Pleasure? He was carrying a suitcase! Not exactly my kind of pleasant evening, but hey, to each his own. If he is having so much fun, why doesn't he just refuse his pay check and forward it to me. It would be my pleasure to cash it.

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John O'Hara is an avid something-or-other. He likes it when anonymous readers of his articles send him lots of money. One day he hopes to break free of the chains of oppression and enjoy a cheeseburger with mustard.

You can visit John's Official Web Page Extravaganza, but you shouldn't see his Unofficial Web Page because I really should have deleted it by now.

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