New and Improved . . . ?

Savvy Shopping with Tony Lastowka
Have you ever seen a product that claimed to be both "New" and "Improved?" Have you ever stopped to think about it? Well I did once, today to be exact, and you know what, it's the most idiotic phrase I've ever heard.

Think about it. I walk into a local shop and buy a "New" software product such as Windows 1.0. This product is brand spanking new. Never been used before. How could it possibly be improved? Doesn't something have to exist before it can be improved upon?

"And it's not just me, I assure you, because you agree with me."

I think so, unless were talking about quasi-fourth dimensional time travel, which we aren't, because any gym bastard with a Ph.D. in physics can tell you that this is at least two years off.

And what if something is "improved?"

         Well then it can't possibly be new, can it. If a gun is "improved," that means it can kill better than it's predecessor. Well, in my opinion, this is not a new thing, it's a repainted old thing. And it's not just me, I assure you, because you agree with me.

         I, for one am not going to take this false advertising anymore! Consumers unite and show the big advertising companies that we humans are not brainless schoolchildren waiting to see what Mrs. Teacher has planned for us today! Stand up and speak out! End this reign of terror!

         Or don't, but don't say I didn't warn you...

Tony Lastowka is an interior decorator living in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania. He enjoys juggling and having his every whim granted without opposition. This fall he will attend Hartwick College where he will major in being cool.

Visit Tony's House of Horrors if you dare, and bring a change of underwear.
(That rhymes!)

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