by John O'Hara
For the second time since becoming a reporter for the EBBSM, I once again braved the pits of hell and returned to sunny Orlando Florida for yet another dose of good wholesome fun with the folks from Walt Disney World. This time, however, it wasn't all fun and games. I was there for the National Leadership Conference for Future Business Leaders of America. This is the type of place that, if you were to blow it up, would instantaneously lower the nation's average SAT score by about one hundred points.
Anyway, while attending this wonderful conference, we were lodged in the Walt Disney World Dolphin Resort. Now, I had no problems with the Walt Disney World Swan resort. It was very nice, well cared for and had a lovely statue of a swan upon the roof. As for the Dolphin resort, it was very nice and well cared for, but as near as I could tell, had a statue of a dead tuna on its roof.
Now I'm not one to be picky and I certainly didn't do so well in Biology, but I was fairly certain that the fish Disney World was trying to pass off as a Dolphin was not even a mammal, let alone a close personal friend of Flipper. So I set out to investigate.
The first person I asked was a big burly pirate who worked as the concierge in the restaurant downstairs. He was actually very friendly and jovial for a swashbuckler, and he assured me that it was actually a Greek mythological dolphin that weighed over three tons and was made of bronze. They were feared and respected by the ancient Greeks. I was quite surprised that a pirate would be so enlightening, so I thanked him and headed on my way.
On my way back to my room, I decided to check with a few other employees just to make sure that everyone agreed that it was in fact a three-ton fish made of bronze that swam the Aegean Sea in days of yore. The next person I asked was the bellhop who assured me that it was a cartoon dolphin, perhaps something out of the Little Mermaid or another lovely underwater adventure. Now I was perplexed, because both people seemed so knowledgeable, yet at the same time, they both were dressed like idiots.
After deciding that Disney employees couldn't be trusted, I decided to check in with my fellow FBLA members. Here is what they decided:
- Jared thinks it looks like carp. (That is not a misspelling of "crap.")
- It reminds Kimberley of a constipated koi. (Don't ask me what a koi is, but I agree that it does look constipated)
- The entire Chestnut Ridge High School reached the consensus that it's a dead goldfish.
- Several people (including Karin, Carey, David and Starlah) say it's a Japanese dolphin.
- Laura thinks its a guppy,
- while Tanya swears its a Japanese fighting fish.
- Felicia (the European contingent) says its a salmon.
- Kristy thinks it is a dolphin, just one who landed on its face and consequently smashed its nose in.
There were several other suggestions, from flounder to sea bass, but it soon became quite clear to me that no one had any clue what was on top of the building and plastered on all the towels and hand soaps. My theory is that the artist commissioned to make the statue was a tad disgruntled with WDW ®©™ and decided to cost them billions of dollars by carving a sea bass instead of a dolphin. Now, granted, it is a very nice sea bass, but somehow I don't think the Walt Disney World Sea Bass Resort would attract many customers. So Disney went ahead anyway and called it a dolphin. They figure, if you are dumb enough to pay $2.00 for a bottle of soda and $3.00 for a hot dog. You probably don't know what a dolphin looks like. Apparently, they were right.
