"Fun With Foreign Languages" by Alice Teeples

Fun With Foreign Languages
written and illustrated by Alice Teeple

         ¡Hola! Vale! Guten Tag! Ello-hay! Jambo! Aloha!

         Like many of you, or some of you, or maybe none of you, I like language a lot. I took six years of español in high school, one semester of Latin, and now I am presently mastering the Teutonic wonders of German 001. Or, if you will, Deutscheklasse Eins. Language is a useful thing. Without it, we would not be able to talk. We would probably communicate by means of clubbing each other on the head, or smearing peanut butter all over each other. Without language, we wouldn’t be able to comment on things, describe things, or relay your feelings. You wouldn’t even be able to read this, because I wouldn’t have been able to write it, and then where would I be? Yes, without the magic of language, the world would be a dull place, indeed.

         If you like languages, then you are what we call a “linguophile” (lingo from the Latin, “chapstick”; “phile” from the ancient Greek, “eater.”) For all you budding linguophiles out there, I have devised the Beginner’s Guide To Speaking Things In Other Languages That You Won’t Learn In Class. If you so desire, please send a cheque or money order (made out to me) and soon you will be on your way to speaking like a native.

         These are some examples included in the Beginner’s Guide to Speaking Things In Other Languages That You Won’t Learn In Class...

English:	I think my cat is dead.
Spanish:	Yo creo que mi gato es muerto. (Yo cray-o kay mee gah-toe ess mwayr-toe)
German:	Ich denke meine Katze ist tot. (Eek-sh denn-kuh mine-ah cat-zuh ist tot.)
Latin:	Earnus unus “C” inus Latin: ae.

English:	My sister has rabies.
Spanish:	Mi hermana tiene rabia. (Mee hair-mahn-ah tee-ennay rah-bee-ah)
German:	Meine Schwester habt Tollwut. (Mine-ah shwess-ter habt toll-what)
Latin:	Learnus nultus. Latin: ae stultus est.

English:	I like to listen to polka music.
Spanish:	Yo le gusto escuchar a música de polka. (Yo lay goo-stow ess-coo-charr ah moo-sick-ah day polka.)
German:	Ich liebe zu-horen die Polkamusik. (Eek-sh lee-buh tsoo-hor-en dee Polka music.)
Latin:	Listenus polka musicus like-us.

Now go out there and wow your friends with your new-found acquisition of these highly useful sayings! And don’t forget to send money to ME.

	`b i o g r a p h y`
	Alice Catherine Teeple does not have a single letter “s” in her name. She reads Roget’s Thesaurus in her spare time, and has a mania for crossword puzzles. She speaks fluent Pig Latin.

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