by Sean McBride

Yesterday I realized something. I have been attending meetings of the Penn State Juggling Club every week for the past two years (this year I'm even the president), and in that time my juggling skills have not improved one bit. I haven't learned any new tricks, and I'm not any better at the tricks I already know. My five ball cascade is as jumbly and broken as it ever was, my Mills Mess is still a mess, and I have yet to wreak Rubenstein's Revenge. Strange, isn't it? What I take all this to mean is that I, Sean McBride, have reached my full potential.
	How many people can say that they've reached their full potential? Not many at all! Most people struggle all their lives, trying to achieve higher and higher heights, constantly setting newer and more demanding goals for themselves. But not me -- I'm staying right where I am.
This realization is not limited to juggling; I've reached my potential across all possible endeavors. For instance, in fourth grade I sucked at basketball. Ten years later, I still suck at basketball. My friends even tell me, "Damn! Do you ever suck at basketball!" Other people might interpret this as an insult. But all I hear is, "Good for you, Sean! You're the best you can be!"          My writing skills still stink. In eighth grade I tried to write the Great American Novel. Look at me now -- writing self-centered articles for a second-rate e-zine. Sometimes it makes me want to cry.          In seventh grade I decided to become the modern-day Van Gogh. What do I have to show for myself? Stick figures. Bad ones too. Their legs are all out of proportion and they have no elbows or knees.          But please, don't envy me. Not everyone can reach their full potential, and it wouldn't be fair to taunt the people who can't. 99.5% of you who read this may never reach your full potential. To those 99.5%, I beg of you, please do not feel inferior. You are doomed to a life of challenges, successes, and new experiences. But do not hate yourself for that. How did you attain that curse but by a random twist of fate? Yes, it may seem inevitably obvious that my life is a million times better than yours. And it is. But don't let that get you down. After all, I'm a person just like you. It's just that I'm so much better of a person than you are.

	b i o g r a p h y
	Sean McBride is planning on becoming a un-motivational speaker, now that he has reached his full potential. He will be touring across the world in the new century, sparking a hope in people that they can give up their hopes and be complacent with what little they have to show for themselves.

Stan Lee, Saviour of Youth!

The Electric Big-Bang Swing Machine © 1999 articles | stories | fun

Fun With Foreign Languages