 by Ross "Not-So-Zestfully-Clean" Deihm artwork by Sean McBride 
Those of you who know the funny if not cynical ways of one Weird Al
Yankovich, must also succumb to the fact that you haven't experienced all
his zaniest till you have been to one of his concerts. In late 1996 (I think) he
was touring the PA country side promoting his hit single "Amish
Paradise." I wanted to catch one of his concerts in Philly, but it was
all sold out. I was kinda depressed about this, so to make me happy, my
mother (God bless her soul) found out he was going to be at Hershey park
one Sunday afternoon. The best part was it was free.
If you have never been to Hershey Park, and you have an allergic reaction to chocolate, go. I thought the place would be crawling with Mr. Goodbars, Krackles, and fast food places like "McHershey's." I was wrong. As a matter of fact the only place you could get good chocolate was at the gift shop. What kinda deal is that?? Anyway, we went several hours early just to make sure we could get seats the FREE concert. My parents drove and my brother took another car full of his crack pipe clique friends. To avoid trouble, I rode with my parents. My brother and his friends went off to ride the roller coasters and other such childish amusement park type things. It was a nice day either way. I wanted to get in line right away and prove my worth to the great and almighty Weird Al concert goers. My parents, on the other hand, had other ideas. I told them to go frolic thither but they wouldn't because they wanted to see the concert too. So I agreed to a game of Miniature golf. Well it was the worst course I had ever played. Stuff all over the place and it looked like it was designed my a blind guy with one arm.  When we were done, we got in line. 4 hours till the concert. I was in the second row waiting patiently. In front of me were 4 guys. I think it was 4. it might have been more. 4 seems to make and impression on me. One was wearing this hippie pullover and eating the delicious and nutrious handy snack. A simple little item with cheese crackers and a little red piece of plastic to spread the cheese with. Three of the other guys were reciting how much they knew about Weird Al and how much they couldn't wait to hear "The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota." It was an informative chat. After this they started juggling. Why is it all the weirdoes on this planet (this includes myself mind you) seem to pick up juggling?? 
Honestly. Well these guys were juggling amongst themselves and trying
really strange moves. It was at this point that my heart sank. I
realized that I didn't know how to juggle. All these years, look what I
had been missing. Suddenly the guy in front of them said something
about knowing how to juggle too. Out comes a second set of balls and
they all try double juggling. Now I was feeling really bad. I would have
loved to jump in and triple juggled with them. But alas I could not. My
heart hardened. Suddenly the guy in the hippie pullover jumped up and
said.
"You know what? These little red plastic things are great. I think
they should be issued at birth." Somehow with those simple words people
stopped talking and looked at him. I was the first to laugh. Followed by
the other three guys. Miraculously, I had connected with them even
though I couldn't juggle!!!
The guy in the pullover heard this other guy talking about an album Weird Al had done that didn't get much publicity and was almost impossible to find. The guy in the pullover offered money for a copy. The deal was made. "Should I use a funny acronym in front of my name?" he asked the guy with the rare tape. "Sure, whatever." "Ok.. i'll make it....Zesty Ron." The address was given and the deal was made. Sometime later I was asked to try juggling, which at the time I failed badly at. But it didn't matter; we were all kindred sprits. The concert doors open and let in a line of people that must have filled the entire park. I was one of the first in line. I was happy. People poured into the auditorium, pushing pulling, murdering for that coveted front row. Who should get it? Zesty Ron and gang. Yep. Right up front. Together they threw pictures of Amish people up on stage for Weird Al, and a poster I think. The pictures and stuff was taken back to Al. Who knows where they are today. The concert was loud, perfect and hilarious. I was in the fourth row, in front of some really hot girls who could scream till your ears bleed. I never realized Al was such a turn on. When it was all over, I insisted that we sit for awhile and bask in the warm after Al concert glow. Zesty Ron and gang did the same. Although I think one or two of them bought T-shrits and hats. When Ron and gang left, Zesty turned to me and said "bye."  That summer I devoted my life to learning how to juggle, and even today I keep red little plastic things nearby in case an emergency should arise. I never saw Zesty again, and I have no idea who the others were, but one day I hope to run across him and double juggle and fence with little red plastic things. Kudos to you Zesty!! |
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b i o g r a p h y |
| Ross Deihm lives in the infamously boring town of Pottsville, PA. He works for a pilgrim and is turned on by girls who have gold fish fetishes. |
