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Dr. Duh, I think I always smell like dairy products. Everyone makes fun of me for it. What do you think? -the Milkman I think you're right-- you do smell like dairy products. Stay away from me. Hi Doctor Duh, There's this party I'm going to that's being thrown by my best friend Tammy who's engaged to Joseph but who's having an affair with Daniel-- Daniel is the ex-roommate of my old boyfriend, Rick, who's now dating Linda, my sorta-kinda friend who is actually the one who introduced me to my new crush, Matt, who is an ex-con, but he's on parole now and he's a changed man, he robbed my friend Jerry's store and shot his brother, James, but James was running numbers with the local mafia and was having an affair with Julia, daughter of the billionaire tycoon, Mr. Buxley, who was in a coma for six months after being nearly murdered in a suicide cover-up by his lawyer, Donna, the cousin of the brother of the grandmother of the mail man of the personal sex-slave of William, the one who's throwing the party I'm going to. So anyway, what should I wear to the party? Tube socks. Dear Dr. Duh, I keep having this recurring dream in which I make love to little puppies. What does this mean? It means you're a sick bastard. Dear Dr. Duh, isn't it annoying when I hold down the r key, like this, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......oops rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, oh no its another rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yeh! p.s. didn't you run this article last issue? Yes we did, and yes, it's still annoying. Remind me to fire my secretary. Dear Dr. Duh, Don't forget to fire your secretary! Thank you, but I already have. She's been replaced by that weird gray Pokemon monster that blows things out of its mouth. Dear Dr. Duh, I love my girlfriend, but whenever we're around my friends she pretends I'm not there and only talks to them. Also she'll make fun of me in front of them. It really hurts my feelings and it's humiliating too. What should I do? Signed, Girlfriend troubles Why not threaten to maim them all? Nothing draws people together like the threat of deadly violence. It is such a shame that violence is only used for destructive ends nowadays. You all may have noticed how curt my responses have been so far this issue. That is because I hate you all. I hate you all and I wish you would stop writing to me, but if you stopped writing to me, I would cease to exist. Now I cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAN, I need a drink!! |
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