"I'm just not weird anymore" by Mike McLaughlin

I'm just not weird anymore. Yep. It's been a good run, but after all these years all the randomness has been sucked out of me like a.. something with a straw.. by the ravages of time and college. Why there was a day when I could write sonnets about a dozen flying Bobs in a "Q" formation, but nowadays all I can think of is sleep and transformers, and maybe the occasional rant on Wisconsin (note to reader: the movie "Dogma" is a paradox, because Wisconsin doesn't exist). Maybe it's that floating stun gun that shoots me and yells, "Highly illogical!" whenever my thoughts turn to cheese. Or maybe not so much that, but that it turns itself up to Level 10 whenever I complain that logic depresses me. Or is it randomness that depresses me? I can't even remember anymore. But I digress.. which shouldnt be a problem.. never was before.. which was my point.. that I can't write good swingmachine articles anymore, not to mention draw stuff for it. "But this is a good swingmachine article," you say. HA! yeah, maybe compared to the crap in THIS issue, but if you go back an issue.. no make that four.. maybe five.. or something.. you'll see what a flaming hunk of goat's eyes this little text file is! Why back before college life stamped out every grain of wackyness in my body, I wrote things that were worth Pulitzers, if they gave out Pulitzers for commentary on nonexistant alternate dimensions, that is. What I need is the good old days of High School, where people spent all day telling me what not to think, and putting me through ridiculous daily rituals. Creativity is so much easier when there's something omnipresent to mock. Now it's just "everybody's opinions are valid, if they can back them up with evidence". What hogwash! My opinions are invalid and I know it! Just tell me so so I can throw them in your face! Spaghetti! Bwah! And they're not invalid for lack of logic! No! They're invalid because you're a closed minded 50 year old school administrator who doesnt want silly students endangering his job by making him actually do it! Screw you! one day me and my army will.. oh damn.. my army went off to get some meaningless computer certification! damn sellouts. with me oh yeah. whyd that song have to get played out? /end stream of brown smelly conciousness. In conclusion, I'm tendering my resignation from the swingmachine, since I have no wacky ezine about absolutely nothingless left to offer. With begrudged saditude I join the swelling ranks of "the normal".. well, no make that "the geeky burnt out impractical hate society but don't do anything about it normal" and I throw my ceremonial towel bag into the pits of Wisconsin. ----------------------------------------------------- Mike McLaughlin isn't really leaving the swingmachine, but you'll wish he were after his next article, "The Many Bathtime Uses of Poison Ivy"!!!

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