Why the f*** did God create bees?!?!
They are the scourge of summer. They are the plague of every picnic and playground. They are the most insidious and annoying creatures to ever inhabit the Earth (besides those little yappy dogs and Eskimos). They are bees! Boy did God screw us over with this creation. I guess it gets kind of boring lounging around on a cloud all day watching little creatures scurry back and forth across a spherical ant farm that's set to explode in a few million years anyway. I mean sure, it's fun giving the humans cancer and shooting lightning at them for awhile, but that gets really old really fast. Believe me, I know!
So what does God do to spice things up? He creates legions of miniscule kamikaze houseflies with vegetable strainer eyes and sharp poisonous asses. Normally, this would be really cool for a God to do, but instead of designing them to befriend us and help us kill the Eskimos, he equips them with a generally unpleasant demeanor and the ability to create sweet honey. Now most people would say "Honey's good, bees make honey, therefore, bees are good!" My response to that is "Shut up!" You may be wondering where my hatred of bees comes from. It is probably related to an incident during my childhood in which nature found it necessary to put me in a situation. A situation that I now refer to as "me vs. the bees." The bees won. From a Freudian perspective though, my bee-directed malice is probably rooted much deeper dating back to when I was still doing the elementary back-stroke in utero or else, knowing Freud, has something to do with my sexual inadequacy and cigars. Regardless, bees are the enemy. Some may refer to them as the silent enemy. However, most people don't, because they buzz and generally make a lot of noise.
Now, if these regular bees weren't enough, we now have the new and improved bees! Bees version 2.1. Most refer to them as killer bees. That's harsh reality at work. They're not "hurting bees," "maiming bees," or "diarrhea-inducing but otherwise harmless bees," they're KILLER BEES! These are for people who like their bees straight up with no screwing around!
Apparently, these bees were the product of the regular bees spoken about in the preceding paragraph and angry African bees (from Africa!) It seems that our bees got bored with the ladies on this side of the ocean, so they went looking for some foreign poontang. It's like when Americans go to Amsterdam, except those encounters don't usually yield armies of horrible aggressive monster-babies that fly around and sting old men in exaggerated, sensationalist programs on the Fox network. Well, not usually. In a lot of ways, killer bees are funnier than regular bees.
Because I can't support that claim at all, I'll move on now.
If the way they treat humans wasn't bad enough, they go around raping and pillaging flowers. Not that I care about flowers, but all you people who do should be outraged! And don't try and tell me that bees help spread pollen, therefore increasing the flower population rather than diminishing it as I have suggested, because that would really hurt my bee argument! I mean, if you need more proof about how evil bees are, just look at "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!" Or Hitler. I bet Hitler saw a bee once, and look what he went and did! Remember when the Smurfs got taken off the air? Me too. Me too.
