The Life of a 13 Year-Old Guy (too old to be a boy, too young to be a man)
Wake up (6:00 am):
Look in mirror
check hair
In case of good hair day, take tub of top-notch gel (which you'll compare with your friends later) and spend 37 minutes putting every hair in place.
In case of bad hair day, let our a cry, remember you're a guy, sniff a little, hide face when older brother comes in, spend 67 minutes putting every hair in place.
Homeroom (7:56 am):
Look at friends' hair
Recheck your hair with the small mirror in your backpack that nobody knows about
In case your hair is fine, smile at yourself a bit, see that somebody is staring and laughing, pretend you don't know what they are laughing about, put mirror away
In case a hair is out of place, start to let out a yelp, remember your friends are around, turn red instead, take out your top-notch gel (which you will later compare with your friends) and carefully fix the hair, making sure not to ruin any others
Compare hair-gel with friends a bit
Try to convince your friends that your top-notch gel is better
1st and 2nd Period: Repeat what was done in homeroom, do work every so often.
Nutrition (recess): Run to the boy's bathroom faster than everybody else so you can get a good spot at the mirror, spend your 17 minutes staring at yourself and fixing your hair.
3rd period: same as 1st and 2nd period
4th period: DREADED P.E! The physical workout might mess up your perfect hair. Make sure to apply an extra coat of your top-notch hair gel. Do PE and carefully feel your hair every so often to make sure its holding up ok.
If it is holding up ok: sigh, thank God for you top-notch hair gel.
If it isn't holding up ok: remember other guys are around, sniff a little to yourself, hope your hair won't get any worse before lunch
Lunch: Hooray! Once again run to the boy's bathroom, get your spot, examine your hair which is a little rustled after PE (ahh!). Spend 23 of your 30 minutes carefully fixing your hair with your top-notch hair gel. Spend the rest of your time having a quick something to eat, staying out of the wind.
5th period: repeat as done in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd period.
6th period: reapeat as done in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th period.
After School: Run to the boy's bathroom after 6th period, make sure your hair is ok (fix anything messed up) and *calmly* walk out, and go home.
Home: Run to your own personal mirror, fix your hair, be glad that your hair survived the day.
Night: Use your special top-notch shampoo that helps your hair stay perfect. Use special hair products that keep it soft after all that top-notch hair gel.
Random things that may happen throughout the day:
Girl messes up your hair because she knows how much it means to you.
Girl asks you why you go to the bathroom so much.
Girl says your hair looks oily because of the gel.
Girl laughs at you when she sees you using secret mirror.
Repeat every day untill you are 24 years-old.
| b i o g r a p h y |
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Fifi L'Boune is a world-renowned expert on adolescent male hair care. Make sure to catch her on her next traveling tour, when she'll be releasing her new book, "After 13: The Life of a 14 Year-old Guy" |
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