The other day I was taking a walk and listening to the radio on my headphones, when this song came on like a glorious sunrise. Its soulfulness and raw emotion caused me to tear up and crumple on the pavement, sobbing like a child….it touched me that deeply.
Was it an aria from Bizet? Was it Bach, or Beethoven, or Bono balladeering injustice in Ulster?
No, no, my friends….it was merely a jingle for a local realtor.
Who ARE these people? How can they walk into a studio and sing so passionately about the shoe store up the street or the local beer distributor? From the tones of their sweet harmonies they might as well be singing about newfound religion or unrequited love. They're SO damn excited to be delivering these important lyrics with such gentle sincerity:
Who's there, the choir? Why would they be in a hospital? If I were stranded (god forbid) in Shamokin, getting out my appendix or having a baby, I wouldn't appreciate bloody singers in there reassuring me that I made an excellent decision in picking health care. Especially if said choir was actually the staff slicing me open!
No freaking duh, Lord Byron. It sure ain't fun to own CRAP, is it?
When I was little, what is now "Bobby D's House of Music" was called "George's House of Music." And in the recesses of my mind, somewhere where a couple of the elements I forgot in chemistry class were intended to be, there lies instead the nonsensical jingle that George used to advertise his - apparently - really confusing store.
Well, if no one understood it, then that explains the change in ownership.
I'm thrilled that the fine people at Brewsky's know their beer, but I don't understand the absolute URGENCY in telling us this...twice. I never doubted their knowledge… The funniest one, of course, is the jingle advertising the Penn State Student Book Store, which, in the Propaganda Hierarchy, is half a step below Leni Riefenshtahl's Triumph of the Will. It starts off peppily:
Oh, goody! That's promising! Except that the Book Store mostly just sells cardboard JoePa cutouts and ugly sweatshirts. But it goes on, and all of a sudden the singers take on a hushed, awed tone - like they're in the presence of the Pope:
Hmm, nothing says "party" like PSU Monopoly. If you're not a student or alumnus of Penn State, you're probably wondering what the hell a "big blue on the corner' is, and why they feel so compelled to mention it - not to mention cheer it:
But then again, this is the same creepy store that employs the Lion Singers or whoever they are to come out occasionally and sing to get people to come into the store to buy stuff. I don't know about the rest of the population of State College, but as a general rule, I try and avoid anything Penn State-y for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of good taste in academic wear. And I loathe football.
There is one - but one - jingle left in the whole of State College that still functions as a catchy jingle. It's about 35 years old and the recording is obviously a group of college guys with a guitar and a knack for penning and performing memorable lyrics. I learnt this song at my mother's knee, along with "Hot Cross Buns" and "Bye Baby Bunting":
Bravo! We have alliteration, repetition, and hokey Person One-Person Two Dialogue at the end. Why do insurance agents, realtors, and nursing homes feel the need to have jingles, too…and moreover, thoughtful, sincere, SOULFUL ones? Half of them don't even rhyme, they are just sentences sung at you. If I want someone to sing conversation at me, I'm going to turn on Mister Rogers. At least he wrote catchy theme songs on the side.
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Alice Teeple is a filmmaking student at Penn State University who isn't actually in the Film program. Her recent win at the Penn State Film Festival for animation came at the expense of completely freaking out approximately 1000 people for her animated photographs of Elephant Man John Merrick's skull to Nick Kelly's erudite vocals. Teeple isn't an axe-murderess, nor is she a mental patient - but, this we know…Cesare Lombroso would sure have a field day with her. |
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