Yes this is regarding a call I got form your business establishment last Thursday, that to say the least I didn't appreciate. One of your associates, a Mr. Willy Yums called and was convincing me that I needed to buy shares in a company that makes animal dildos.
Said that it was the hot stock right now and that animals had to masturbate too. To say the least I was in a bit of dismay over the whole idea and his vulgar language. He then sent me a free sample of "his best selling product" the elephant dildo, which came to my door in a refrigerator box.............
Although this was very disturbing and caused me great distress, I decided to give it a whirl and test it out. Only having a dog and no elephant, I just decided to put my dog alone in a room with it and see what happened. To my disapproval I came back to find my dog dead. I then I realized I had forgot to actually turn on the vibrating feature which was probably to blame for the whole horrific accident. I was shocked to find in the owners manual that the device need two 400hp car batteries to operate (not included). Still intrigued I borrowed my neighbors car and with the use of my own included started the dildo up. The vibration from the shaft was so powerful that my 14th century brick house fell into a pile of ruble, killing my wife and kids inside and my neighbor kicked my ass for stealing his car. I now have nothing to show for my life except this giant elephant dildo....
I'm not going to lie, this free sample has been most unsatisfactory and displeasing, but I have managed to keep my head up. That was until I took the elephant dildo to the zoo, and tried to give it away as a charity. The zoo owner looked at me in disgust, took me out back and four large men beat me with Billy clubs. If that wasn't enough I woke up from the savage beating in the elephant cage, chained to the giant dildo. I feel I've been here for approximately 43 days now and the sexual assaults from the elephants seems to be getting worse.... So if you could just relay a small message to Mr. Willy Yums and tell him that I unfortunately won't be buying any of his stock at this time, but to check back with me in a few months, when things have settled down a bit. That would be most appreciated. Thank for your time.
-An Elephants Whore
| b i o g r a p h y |
|
Ryan Hargrave swears, almost a little too enthusiastically, that this is not autobiographical. |
 Life of a 13 Year-old Boy |
 The Electric Big-Bang Swing Machine © 2003 cartoons | writing | movies | fun |
 Definitely Superheroes |