by Diana Oboler
You can find some great stuff on the Web. For example: the Beer Drinkers of America Homepage. You can learn all sorts of stuff. I mean, did you know that Ronald Reagan pitched Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer in 1954? That's right-- in 1954 one of our (ahem) great presidents was trying to throw beer.
Now, my source didn't say if it was some sort of pitching
league, or whether they mistranslated (travelled, read, wrote,
whatever) and, in fact, meant that he threw-up beer. But then,
I didn't try too hard because I've never been one to pry into
the lives of others.
Let me give you an example. Last year my friend Tony came to me and said, "You're going to buy me things." I said, "Why?" (Some of you out there may point out that this only shows that I was prying into the lives of others by asking this question, but I will point out that he wanted to use my money.) He pointed out that I owed him money, so away we went.
He told me that we were going to Home Depot, and as I did not ask why, he said, "I want to buy some pipe." Again, I did not pry into why he would want pipe, but calmly drove on, so he told me, "I'm making a potato cannon." Now friends, this is my point. AT THIS POINT I DID NOT ASK HIM WHY HE WAS MAKING A POTATO CANNON! I did not say, "Excuse me Tony, but why would you like to be able to shoot potatoes 200 yards?" (Some of you out there may say that the answer is self-explanatory. To those people I pleasently say "thuurpp".) So, as you see, I am not a person to pry into the lives of others.
An interesting thing that I learned on that trip to the Home Depot, however. Are you aware that the caps and connectors that hold pipes together have genders? I'm not making this up! Connectors that fit inside others are "male" and those into which they fit are "female". That's all very understandable. But here is the scary part. There are some which are male on one end and female on the other. Yes, friends! America is being held together by hemaphrodite construction materials! And if I were Ronald Reagan, that would be reason enough to hurl beer for me!
