"Desperation!" by Jasmine Chapgar

by Jasmine Chapgar

         Remember that time when you had to go to the bathroom so bad you would have done anything? Your dad's on the phone saying, *"Well junior, I want you to mow the lawn, take out the trash, make everyone's bed and do two essays on the importance of chores and time management by the time I come home today."* And you're going, *"Uh-huh yeah, whatever you say, okay ..Dad I gotta go! Okay sure tonight - Dad bye bye bye!!!!"* and you bolt to the bathroom to relieve your trembling bladder. You just promised you soul to the devil's grandmother, but all you can think about is 'thank God I made it, these are new pants.' Desperation is a crazy thing.

         How about the time you broke the antique vase in front of your blabby little brother just as your parents pulled into the driveway after a long day. *"Yes you can have my favorite stamp and all my bubble gum just DON't Say ANYTHING! Promise ?PROMIse that's mom and dad keep your mouth SHUT!"*

         Desperation oh yeah. And let's not even talk about the promises people make to themselves, or God, or whomever if something goes well - *"Please please, I promise if my speech goes well I'll never watch rated R movies again, I'll give up biting my nails, I'll join the Peace Corps, just don't let me mess up in front of two hundred people!"*

         *don't worry, guys, these are all exaggerations.

Jasmine Chapgar doesn't know where all the rumors came from that she eats sardines, pickles, and ice cream. So what if she really likes Oscar the Grouch? And what if she really does like the combination? What's it to you? Why gossip about everything? Gossip gossip. Have some spontaneity! Spontaneity is great! That's another thing about that Jas girl--she likes surprises, being surprised, and she likes spur of the moment, hang on action. Why, she used to wrestle grizzly bears in her spare time.

Holy Snot!

If I Were A Tribesman