Dear Mister Editor Sir:

This is where you guys get to write in to me to curse me out and to play Stump the Editor with your wacky questions that don't make any sense. Here's our first official Letter to the Editor.

Dear Mister Editor Sir:          So I'm just minding my own freaking buisness, like looking around the freaking world wide freakin web, and what do I have to put up with?! Huh?! I mean besides the ungodly amount of sights with neked pictures of the Golden Girls, I have to put up with this bowl of over ripe avacado dip! Thats right, you little semi digested piece of gelatinous rodent whiskers, even my pet hampster Harold who will stoop so low as to play strip parchisi in my trowsers when he get really smashed on boot leg lemonaide would NEVER, repeat NEVER have eve vomited on a sight like this. You might be wondering to yourself "wow, this sick little purple and blue puppy dog is on somekid of Soap Box", but your WRONG! I ate the soap, and am living in the box: right now I am on a detergent box, and if you don't know the difference, bullocks for you! Anyway, Mr. Smarty Big Bang Loopty Do, what I am trying to say is you need more nakid chicks on your sight! Specificly nakid hampster chicks, and it is my hamster who is dictating this. I didn't want to write this, but he has be at gunpoint, and is threatening to take my children to disny land and buy them a tickle me elmo. Please, call the police, send someone to. ,mlhdagldf help hdasfhd. df I amldhv,. . . P.S. If I submit something, does it have to suck? --Mary

Gosh, Mary, that's quite a dirty mouth Harold's got there! They're filthy little gremlins, those hamsters. You really should have gotten a guinea pig. Much cleaner. And far more polite. Give Harold to me. I'll learn him to be filthy. You just enjoy the magazine. And if you submit something, no, I don't require that it suck. Have a nice box.

You too can write a Letter to the Editor, even if it's just to let us know what dirty thoughts are running through your hamster's mind.