 Gym. Why does the government force us to take gym? I'll tell you why. At some point in history (to clarify, during the height of the cold war... look up the date yourself if you care), the Soviet Union whipped America's butt in the Olympics. Well nobody in government liked this very much. In fact, they were just plain old pissed off. To alleviate their pissyness, said political figures put on their irrational-thinking-caps (all politicians are issued one of these little puppies upon election into office; they aid in the irrational-decision-making-process). Anyway, like I was saying, these politicians put on their irrational thinking caps and decided that since the American athletes who had trained their little tusches off in preparation for the Olympics and still lost miserably, it would be a good idea to steal some ideas from the Ruskies by instituting a physical education requirement in national schools so that we could "get the young Olympic athletes started early". Well that was stupid. HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW WHO WILL GO ON TO BE IN THE OLYMPICS? About 1 person out of every school in the U.S. of mom & apple pie has a chance of being an Olympic qualifier. Now, bearing all that in mind, I submit to you that the government's institution of a gym requirement as the result of the "borrowing" of ideas from communist USSR is really a form of subversion. Some creep was attempting to institute full-blown communism in our cute little country, and they decided that GYM would be a good place to start. It is safe to conclude that this evidence clearly points to GYM TEACHERS as a clear and present danger to the well being of the United States of America, and that they should all be SHOT many times at point blank range with their families watching. (And if any members of said gym teacher's family shows any signs of being upset over the death of said gym teacher, they should also be shot. Dogs are an exception because they are cute (and stupid). I ask you, fellow citizens; FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE A LAZY SLOB!!! KILL ALL GYM TEACHERS AND THOSE INVOLVED IN PHYSICAL EDUCATION!! Next month: "Why Health is an alien plot to keep us all healthy and disease free so that they can harvest us like cattle and sautee us with mushrooms to be served at alien wedding banquets as a rare delicacy." |
