How to make Duh Head Poetry
On a TI-82 Calculator
by Mike McLaughlin
Prgm DUH
Disp "Are you 1-male or 2-female"
Input X
Lbl A
Disp "I'm so high"
Disp "I'm so high want to fly"
Disp "So I look up at the sky"
Disp "and see someone neigh"
If X=2
Then
Disp "Someone who is a guy"
Disp "Looking at him makes me high"
Goto A
End
If X=1
Then
Disp "Someone who is not a guy"
Disp "Looking at her makes me high"
Goto A
End
Disp "Something neither girl nor guy"
Disp "I don't want to know why"
Disp "But looking at.. it.. makes me high"
Goto A
WOW! I could win a Pulitzer and one of those programming
awards with this gem! Now if I just wrote it on my '85 Mustang, I could get Motor Trend's
Car of the Year! Yes! Oh, wait, no. It's my parent's car. Damn!
Mike McLaughlin is now working as a temp in an office,
where he enjoys sitting around pointlessly and wasting company resources (Their precious IBM PS/2!
With the lightening fast 486SLC2 processor!) on Solitaire, Mah-Jongg, Chess, take-over-the-world plots,
and pointless Swing Machine articles. He says the best thing about work is the hours and hours he spends
there doing absolutely nothing, and the worst are the evil baboons, parakeets and mattresses (must.. include...
Hitchhiker's.. reference!) that sneak into the office after he leaves and destroy almost all of his work.
At the rate they are destroying, Mike will have to work for two weeks to accomplish a day's worth of work.
This means he will not finish his assignment until the day before the Folk Festival. Damn those beasts!
If you wish to give him lots of money, or tell him how insane he is, instead of just telling the editor (ahem,
you friends of TJ that I've never even heard of) you can e-mail him, but I won't tell you how except
that it is definetely not by clicking on the word "e-mail". Most definetely. Ahahahaa. That joke
still cracks me up! That definetely cracks me up!
The Principal
|
The Electric Big-Bang Swing Machine © 1997
|
An Orange Christmas
|