-or-
by Vin Marshall
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The evil thing that is course selection is here again. Actually, it came a while ago, but I've been procrastinating... Incidentally, the only thing that is giving me a problem is the fact that I am forced to pick a humanities course. Perusing the courses offered in the humanities departments further cements my belief that liberal arts majors are dumb. In fact, I'd go so far as to bite my thumb in their general direction. But then, there are other benefits to being an engineer in addition to our undisputed superiority, most notably of which is the ability to make egregious grammar errors, such as beginning a sentence with a conjunction. But neither grammar nor engineering are what I came here to talk about. I in fact am writing this to detail the ways that I have found to harass people in the name of Sean McBride and relieve my course selection stress in one fell swoop. Number one: Kick a Penn State security officer in the crotch while wearing my famous Sean McBride costume. Number two: Remove my roommates mattress and ride down 7 flights of stairs on it, all the while screaming "Long live Sean McBride, he is the master of all mattress riding shenanigans!!" Number three: Take the promotional ads from Playboy that have been turning up in everyone's mailbox lately and tape them to the door of the Women's Center. Now, these actions, taken as separate, isolated events would seem normal enough to any onlooker, but taken as the aggregate actions of many thousands of people, all of whom look to argyle socks for guidance in the following of Sean, they represent a dangerous epidemic. No, do not take this mattress riding, crotch kicking, porn taping, costume wearing lightly, for you will regret it when these hooligans have taken over. Then the world will be one big ball of quasi-merriment mattress riding, and the joke will be on us!! That is why you must not read any more of the vicious propaganda in the Eclectic Big Band Sling Analog Computer. Stop now!!! Oh, and by the way, big vacuum tube computers are dumb, and we all laugh at ENIAC when we walk by. |
