Dear Mister Editor Sir,          I just want to say that Tony is stupid. That's all. Frum, Ms. Silly Head Dear Ms. Silly Head, Okay. Dear Ms. Silly Head,          Your recent insight into my personage is most appreciated. Here at Tony Lastowka, Inc., we make a sincere effort to satisfy you, the non-paying customer, or as we like to call you, the freeloading bum. When we fail in this mission, we are ashamed of ourselves and welcome critiques of our services so that we know what type of writing our readers are really looking for. Rest assured that your comments have been heartily laughed at, and we now have a better understanding of what humor truly is. Sincerely, Tony Lastowka Dear Mister Editor Sir:          I have recently noticed that the intro graphic to issue three has been changed from its original, stupid graphic to an obviously better one. That is so not allowed! What are you, an idiot? --Tony Lastowka

	Me:	Refresh my memory, Tony: who's the editor here? Is it you or me? You get one guess. I'll even give you a hint: he's writing this letter.
	You:	You're the editor.
	Me:	That's right! I AM THE EDITOR HERE! Now tell me, who isn't the editor? Who here isn't in charge? You or me? You already said I was the editor, so that narrows it down. I'll even give you another hint: he called me an idiot and now he's living to regret it.
	You:	Me?
	Me:	BINGO! Yes you! You are the idiot here! You are a stupid voice in the back of people's heads telling them to do stupid stuff that doesn't make any sense.

Dear Mister Editor Sir,          I just want to say [once again] that Tony is stupid. That's all. Frum, Ms. Silly Head Dear Ms. Silly Head, Right on! Dear Mr. Editor Sir,          While reading your Dear Mr. Editor Sir section in Swing issue #6, I noticed that you had the audacity to say something as horrid as "gay homosexual".. Being a "sad heterosexual" myself, I felt it was my duty to flame the fire of your attention-getting controversial behavior by writing to you and expressing my severe dislike of you and that "gay homosexual" Professor Bug guy..          If you wish to say words like "gay homosexual", I hope you have the decency to register your e-zine's url with leading net protection programs such as "sad net-nanny", "sad cyber-watch" and "sad netsitter"          Thank you for your time, "Sad Heterosexual" Dear "Sad Heterosexual" You sound like you suck. I don't want to talk to you. Dear Editor,          After reviewing the latest issue of Swing Contraption, I am displeased to note a severe downgrade in the quality of your material. YOU CALL THIS SWING?? Why, in my day, gertsie young snaps like you could be bludgeoned over the knocker by some rogue ruffian who knew what REAL swing was!! Where is the love? Where is the pizzaz? How dare you associate the nomenclature of your house-page with the spendor of a luminous swing ballad? Heed my advice ignoramus (or ignorami if it be thy case): tread not into the realm of Electric-Powered Swing Devices unless you consult further sources. Regards post-haste, President Taft Okay, Dear President Taft My ignoramus friends and I have "consulted further sources" and determined that: YOU STINK! Which is why I don't want to talk to you either. You can write to Mister Editor Sir at editor@swingmachine.org.