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| by t.j. wallace |
I remember this kid Jason who was in my 9th grade science class. He would share his views and opinions with me unabashedly and without any provocation. I'd be taking some notes, and I'd hear "Jerry Lewis freaks me out, the way he says 'funny lady' scares me, man." He'd go on and on about anything and everything until either class was over or he got kicked out. One time he was telling me about how he loved the Amish. He loved to beat them up. "I love it when I go to Lancaster. There are all these Amish people walking around and you can beat the crap outta them and they don't do ANYTHING to fight back, they got horses but they just sit there and watch. And their friends just run away, and I say 'you want some of this huh? I'll shove a butter churn up your butt!!' Man they dont hit back at all!" I thought for a while about this 100 pound kid here who was 5 foot nothing, beating on these Amish guys. I thought about how funny it would be if he picked a fight with 6 foot 200 pound Ishmael looking mo'fo'. Then Ish would start wailing on Jason, and Jason would be like, "Ow stop! You can't hit back!" Yeah, Ishmael would be cool and say, "You had better not abuse my brethren or I shall give you another whallop you will not soon forget!" Then he'd go home, churn some butter, and watch some TV, not!
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