from the Editor:
|
E-zines are a wonderful channel for expressing one's views. When one is the editor of an e-zine (such as the fine one you're reading right now), one typically has free reign to convey one's views in any way at all, short only of killing thousands upon thousands of people. Today I am going to break this barrier by articulating myself in the only way I know how. The message is simple: 
I don't consider myself a violent person by any ordinary measure, but when it comes to defending my own life and the fates of my five billion fellow humans, things can get a trifle rowdy. Recycling isn't as hot of a publicized issue as it was ten years ago, but the crisis still remains. Stop being so lazy and just throwing everything out! If you can't reuse something, then recycle it. If you can't recycle it, then eat it. If you don't want to eat it, then try to find someone else who will. When nobody recycles, we're wasting our resources and making it harder for ourselves to survive. We're in immediate danger, because if we don't cut down on the wasting of the present, it will be too late to save ourselves in the future. I, myself, am in immediate danger, because if you don't recycle, you are threatening the life of the human race, a species that I happen to be a member of. This gives me justification and motivation to act in self-defense and kill you for your insolence. Hence, Recycle or I'll kill you. So next time you pop back a bottled beverage or finish having your way with the daily paper and are about to casually toss that recyclable item into the trash can, remember – I'll be waiting. I'm watching you. I have a gun. And I'm very unstable. Thank you very much. 
Mr. Ed [itor] editor@swingmachine.org |
