 Dear Mister Joseph Dictator Sir, When you take over the world, will it be legal to own sex slaves, or will I need a license? Sincerely, Mike Dear Mike, First, I would like to start out by saying "Mike yourself," because that issue is still in committee. When an answer has been decided, I will make sure that you are informed. If you would like to try lobbying the committee, they accept all major credit cards. As of now, sex slaves are a definite possibility in the future, but the present bill requires the owner to be at least a Baron. So plan on being a Baron when you grow up, and you just might get lucky. Sincerely, Mister Joseph Dictator Sir Dear Mister Joseph Dictator Sir, Can I have Sweden? Sincerely, Mike Dear Mike, Yes, you may have Sweden, simply because I am such a nice guy. Sincerely, Mister Joseph Dictator Sir Dear Mister Joseph Dictator Sir, Can I have the Swedish Bikini Team? Sincerely, TJ Dear TJ, I could allow Mike to have the Bikini Team seeing as he's already expressed an interest in Sweden, but since he hasn't specifically asked for the team and since I am such a fair future-dictator and all-around nice guy, I will allow you two to duel for the them. The winner will be rewarded the Swedish Bikini Team, and the loser will be punished with the Phillies. Think long and hard about fighting. Sincerely, Mister Joseph Dictator Sir Dear Mister Joseph Dictator Sir, Why are you such a dope? Sincerely yours, Sonny California Dear Sonny California, That is an excellent question, but you phrased it incorrectly. The question should be "Why is Evan Hohlfeld such a dope?" The answer to that is one of the mysteries of the world. It could plausibly be the brown stuff on his teeth or the split in his chin. It could be because he ate paint chips as a small child. Another credible theory is that when he first fell in love with Chelsea, he instantly transmogrified into a dope. This is something that only Evan could tell you about, but I'm glad I could straighten you out. Sincerely, Mister Joseph Dictator Sir Dear Mister Joseph Dictator Sir, Some people believe that men assert their dominance over women because we envy their ability to give birth to and to nurse children. Others theorize that men are simply better leaders; that the women could not survive without our guidance. I, myself, think that men are savage, unthinking brutes who have only dominated in the past because women, being the harder- working gender of the species, have it in their natures to sacrifice their needs more willingly, thusly having fallen subservient to the self-serving males. What do you think? Sincerely, Sean Dear Sean, First of all, I think you are wrong. Women are evil, vicious, and just too darn cute. Men are the obviously dominant sex, seeing as they are better than women at everything. The only downfall of men is that we have yet to develop a way of resisting the charming black magic females use on us to their own evil ends. When we figure that out, women are in trouble. Sincerely, Mister Joseph Dictator Sir |
