Dear Mister Editor Sir, You Scumbag,          Hey you, you scumbag, chauvinist patriarch! I'm sick of you and your Swing Machine advancing men and ignoring wymen! In 2 of your last 3 issues, there have been major articles about men's number one oppressor of wymen, THE PENIS! Meanwhile, I haven't seen a single word about us grrls and our sex organs! Wymen have way more parts, and those parts do a lot more too! My labias could take your testicles in the ring any day! NOW get some vaginas into the next issue, or face the castration squads! -Dolores Unglia Hutchenson certified ultra-feminist Dear Dolores, Before you send me off to the castration squads, I think you should know that we are not intentionally advancing men or discriminating against women. If you would like to see more vagina-oriented content in the Swing Machine, then why not contribute some yourself? If you supplied us with an original, humorous piece done in acceptable taste, we would be happy to run it. We need all the contributions we can get. In fact, if you don't feel that you have a strong literary ability, we would gladly accept monetary contributions, preferrably in multiples of five hundred. If equality is our concern, then we must work to achieve it. E-mail me at editor@swingmachine.org for further details on monetary contributions. Remember, we're doing this for the womyn. Thank you for your patronization and your concern. Dear Mr. Editor Sir,          Why don't you ever answer anybody's letters seriously? You always blow people off like so much trash. In fact, I doubt that you even read the letters you respond to! I bet you just cut and paste any old crap together to maintain this third-rate Letters to the Editor section! Please show some concern for what your correspondants have to say!          Thank you for your time,          Peggy Winterbottom Dear Winterbottom, Peggy          Thank you so much for writing to me, Winterbottom, Peggy! Boy, was I enthralled when I received your letter in my mail the other day. I thought to myself, "Winterbottom, Peggy. Now there's a (man, woman) who really cares! I was very intrigued by the ideas you set forth in your letter, and I graciously accept any criticisms or compliments you may have given me. Well, Winterbottom, Peggy, it looks like my time is up!          Thanks so much again for writing! It really means so much to me.          Sincerely, Mr. Ed You can write to Mister Editor Sir at editor@swingmachine.org.