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 by Cliff Henning One fretful and fateful day, it just so happened to be Max's twenty-second birthday. If this fretful and fateful day had happened a couple hundred years earlier, Max would probably have his own family and farm by now, but this fretful and fateful day had not happened a couple hundred years earlier, and that means Max doesn't have his own family and his own farm, just a messy dorm room and a mold-covered piece of bread he calls Fred. "Hello Fred," Max called out to his moldy piece of bread as he opened the door to his messy dorm. "I'm home," Max said before he managed to slip on a card that somebody has slid under his door. His body landed on clothes and other trash as his head hit a bowling ball with a sock on it.  
When Max thought he had woken up, he found himself lying on a huge yellow-colored plain. The plain streched for miles in all directions but one and seemed to have large holes and craters in it. There was a cliff a couple hundred feet to the left of him. Max peeled his sticky face from the ground. He grunted as he pulled himself up. He looked up to behold a black sky speckled with stars. The sky also happened to contain a big sphere compromised of blue, white and green shapes. "Oh smeg," Max exclaimed, "that's the friggin' earth!" "Damn, where the hell can I go," Max asked the sky. Then he decided to lay down and sleep a little.
When Max woke up, nothing was different from when he had fallen asleep. He looked around for a while and thought. He noticed that his foot had sunk into the ground. He decided to test the ground by seeing whether he could dig his hand into it, which he could. "Heh, that's strange," said Max out loud again. Max climbed over the side of the cliff and started to climb down, making hand holds as he went. Max climbed till he got tired and slept in one of the numerous spherical caves he found. He guesstimated that he had made it about three fourths the way down. In the morning, a considerably hungry Max threw his legs over the opening of the cave and made his way to the ground. It took him about five hours to get down. When Max got down, he looked up at the wall he had climbed down. It looked only a hundred something feet high, unlike the two miles it seems from the top. Max walked a couple hundred feet from the wall and the plain up top and looked back. "Oh my god, would you look at that," Max said to nobody, "it's a giant piece of cheese!"
Where is Max? Who will feed his moldy pet sandwich, Fred, while he's stranded upon a giant piece of cheese in outer space? And is he really stranded upon a giant piece of cheese in outer space? Or is it just a cheese-substitute made with only 10% real milk? But more importantly, did the milk come from real cows? Find out in the next exciting episode of... THIS IS CHEEZ: The Story! |
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